Think Of Luck As Stable, Permanent, By Your Side Always
A dull, boring social gathering can be brought to animated life in very little time by throwing down the gauntlet of "whether success and fulfillment in life is obtained by 'luck' or by 'pluck'". It takes just one person to take a stand, to instigate some other person in the gathering to leap up to their feet and present a diametrically opposite stand, complete with their own anecdotal experiences and philosophy. For every human being who rose to the height of their aspirations by the sweat of their brow, there is another human being who won the lottery with a ticket that they had left behind in the back-pocket of their jeans when they shove it in the laundry machine. And usually, it takes a very tough moderator at the podium to ensure that the animation does not degenerate into mayhem.
The spectrum between believers of pluck and believers of luck is evenly distributed. People who believe in pluck think that one's actions directly affect one's outcomes. Period. But people who believe otherwise, think that there is this, the invisible Hand that guides destinies. And should the Hand so decide; the best of efforts and the most strident of actions will not fructify into the desired outcomes. And so this second set of people set forth to locate the Hand, and if that is an impossible goal, then at least to find ways and means to appease It. Taking a leaf out of the psychologist's book, the pluck-believers hold that the locus of control lies within them, while the luck-believers are open to the possibility of an "external" agency too controlling their destiny.
Nothing wrong with the doctrine of providence, which is what the belief in an external agency guiding one's destiny is. Everybody is walking on their own path of self-development, deserving all respect. The problem comes when we allow ourselves to be washed by circumstances away from the shore of our aspirations, when we succumb to the choppy waves of problems, and when we begin to drown in the sea of disaster and failure, moaning all the while that the Hand is no longer guiding us. We look at Luck as fleeting and impermanent. It is there for some of the time, and it "runs out" from time to time. This approach has a most unfortunate consequence of loss of persistence. The first sight of some problem, and we throw up our hands. Aw, Shucks! Luck is not by my side this time!
This particular category of luck-believers finds it hard to motivate themselves to not give up midway, but to exhaust all alternatives before concluding that there is really no way forward. And after acknowledging failure, this particular category finds it especially difficult to identify the problem in the core concepts of their thinking which led to failure in the first place, so that the core concepts can be reworked upon and the task begun afresh, in the same or a new avatar. Gradually, a pattern builds up which keeps recurring in all areas of their life, till a stage comes when such people give up taking all action and start leading a "vegetable" life of inaction. It is like a self-fulfilling prophecy, this belief in a) the concept of luck, and b) that luck is fleeting and impermanent. You can't get them to discard their favorite principle, but you also can't see them wither away. Then what do you do?
The key point here is the thought in the minds of some of the luck-believers that "luck is fleeting and impermanent". As self-developers, instead of taking any extreme-pole position of discarding the providence doctrine altogether, suppose we shift our thought from the fleeting and impermanence aspect of luck to one of luck being forever stable and forever permanent and forever on our side? Formulating this thought in the mind immediately leads us to strengthen our belief in ourselves. A confidence that, come what may, the victory cup is ours - grows in us. Faced with the choppy waves of problems, we will not succumb. We will not throw up our hands. Instead, armed with the "knowledge" that luck is by our side, we will be driven by the confidence that help is round the corner somewhere, and we have to "simply" seek it.
This eclectic approach has two advantages. One, the luck-believers do not have to root the doctrine of providence out from their value systems; usually ingrained by parents and seniors since childhood and therefore very difficult - if not plain impossible - to do so, and it is not required anyway. And two, they get to use the belief of a powerful, "supernatural agency" always being by their side to guide them at all times. If there is somebody you know who is leading a vegetable life of inaction because they fell prey to consistent bad luck, then - who knows? - this eclectic approach might transform them into a dynamo of action.
[Belief in oneself is the core driver for all successes. It is belief in the self that drove the pilot to successfully crash-land his plane on the surface of a lake so that everybody emerged unhurt and safe. Similarly, it is the belief in the self that drives a tiny little rail engine, entrusted with the task of freighting toys to the next station, to overcome all challenges and complete the mission. Would you like to read the inspiring story of this little blue engine? Here it is: "How Tillie Pulls Out Of The Avalanche".]
Critiquing The Principle Of "Ask, Believe, And Receive"
There has been a lull, of late, in news on the "Law of Attraction". There are no new websites being launched around this concept, on the contrary quite a number of sites set up with much fanfare, since Rhonda Byrne wrote her book, are quietly being shut down. It has been more than a year, if not more, since any of the gurus have made any fresh pronouncements on the matter. Spam mail senders too stopped flogging this law to entice me to make use of their services long ago, and have already reverted to informing me of the great fortune that has befallen me as some gullible innocent woman somewhere wants help to remove the treasure of her dead father or husband, and can she have my bank account details, please, where she can deposit the money?
Thanks to Ms. Byrne, several hundred careers got launched in the domain of self-development in these past three years. Suddenly, key words such as "ask, believe, receive", "attract abundance", "New Age" and of course "the secret" began being bandied about in the hip intellectual / semi-intellectual / pseudo-intellectual crowd at parties and social do's. Visiting cards proudly began proclaiming their owner's interest / expertise in the Law of Attraction. The book by Ms. Byrne began appearing on coffee tables in the drawing halls of houses of all economic strata, reminding the guests and visitors of the spiritual heights conquered by the dwellers. Never mind if even the first page has not yet been turned. Forums began being populated by discussion threads with members trying to outdo each other in their knowledge over the subject by quoting this or that author or expert, the discussion degenerating into slanging matches as it often happens.
Seminars began to be organized by "Gurus" who claimed to have known the concept of the LoA "much before Ms. Byrne discovered it". People began practicing before the mirror the "smile of serenity" that has come to stand for those who have imbibed the law in their style of living and tasted success, if not direct communion with The One Who Wrote The Law. A stage came when you could recognize these people from afar just by the wonderful smile of serenity they wore, and you would search for alleys to escape into before they could catch hold of you to listen to their profundities.
And websites, ah websites, that great vehicle for generating money 24X7, blossomed forth like lilies in spring. The same wonderful smile now came attached to a face which had a halo behind it, which we would like to believe was bestowed by The One Who Wrote The Law, but was most likely created using the latest version of Photoshop - "Give the halo a touch of sunny yellow at the periphery, Jonny" -. All their home pages beginning with a personal sad story, just like Byrne - and how they achieved their version of enlightenment and how they want to share their "new-found" knowledge with the rest of the world. In fact, some doctoral research student might find it immensely interesting to base their thesis on the subject of the websites created during the period 2006-2009, all clones of the "The Secret" theme.
Sensing the ebbing interest amongst consumers - if the seminar hall doesn't fill, then you end up paying for the hall's rent out of your own pocket; if the website doesn't generate money, then you end up paying for the site's rent from your own capital -, people did try to come out with mutants of the original LoA. "The things they hid from you in the film", "The second secret", "the untold secret"... grey cells went into overdrive coming out with the right turn of phrase that would keep them coming. However, every fashion has its expiry date; that is the Supreme Law of Nature; and the fashion of Law of Attraction is no exception. This is why the lull in the news about this New Age principle.
Now that the hype and the hoopla about the "Law" has all but died down, this might just be the right time, to dust the books and the material that got collected over these past three years and give them a relook. To blow away that which is fluff; and focus on that which is solid. To dip under the bonnet, so to speak, and understand which domain of knowledge this law fits in, what its axioms are, what its scope of operation is and where its limitations lie. It is sad when somebody launches a brilliant discourse on LoA, and recites entire passages from this or that author's work, but who grapples for words when they are simply asked to place the subject in perspective within the Body of Knowledge accumulated by mankind. Instead of being lulled by the beautiful quotes and sayings of the self-styled gurus and experts, it will do a lot of good if we reflect on how this "law" might have impacted one's own life in subtle ways already. And work out how we can use the principle to shape the quality of our thoughts.
[It is great to know that there exists a Law, called the "Law of Attraction", which governs our thinking. But is that the only law? Does this law fully and comprehensively explain all that there is to know about how Life functions in this Universe? Is this the only principle that one can base one's thoughts upon? As this article explains, there are several instances around us which the LoA does not explain, because they fall outside the scope of its operation: "The Law Of Attraction Is Not Enough!". Read, and reflect!]
Mankind has been wrestling with, since Time immemorial, issues and questions about itself and about the Universe. We know that some of the questions have been answered, and that there are many more whose answers continue to elude.
Of these unanswered are some very deeply profound questions, such as "Who Am I?", "Whence I Came?", "What I Am Doing Versus What Am I Supposed To Be Doing?", "Where Shall I Go, Or What Shall I Be, After Death?", "What Came First - Chicken Or Egg" - which continue to jog the minds of philosophers and intellectuals, and which apparently will continue to do so for some more time to come. We are all waiting for that one out-of-the-box, ground-breaking idea or thought to rise in some ripened mind somewhere on this earth, a thought which has non-dogmatic foundations, and which will give a clue to the underpinnings of Life in general.
Leaving the eggheads to their devices while they wrestle with these profound issues, we ordinary mortals are happy if we keep receiving continued assurance that we live in a benign universe that has brought us to this planet and plunked us right in the midst of a family and / or community, not to heap on us hardship and strife and shortage and sorrow, but to make us feel happy and contented. This basic psychological need - that there is Someone or Somebody who is taking care of us -, is what drives the devout and the religious and the non-atheists amongst us in droves to our places of worship on designated days. The communion we seek to establish with an entity - who we have been conditioned since early childhood to look upon as our savior - in those silent, calm moments in the place of worship is sometimes the only bright stretch of time in an otherwise bleak day.
The past decade or so has witnessed a sea-change in our thinking about how we lead our lives. More specifically, this change has occurred in our view about how we view our lives - some sort of a "meta-view". While we have always been alert, since the ancient times, about what we think and why we think what we think and how our thoughts can impact our sense of happiness and fulfillment, it is thanks to the internet and a shrinking world that the body of knowledge on the entity called "mind" has been unlocked from the ivory tower of intellectualism and brought to the mainstream of human consciousness.
And, thanks to newly evolving knowledge such as positive psychology - of which self-development and self-help are a part, including this blog and this article that you are reading right at this moment -, the bright stretches of time have lengthened, and can easily cover the entire day to wipe away all bleakness, if we want to. Positive Psychology gives us the ability to look at our problems constructively, without suppressing them or repressing them or brushing them away beneath the proverbial carpet. This body of knowledge helps us to root ourselves firmly in the one singular thought that happiness and fulfillment are our birthright. While circumstances may conspire to give us some very bad times, it is ultimately the thoughts that we harbor in the mind that make all the difference. It is ultimately how we react to the circumstances that influences our sense of happiness. This is not self-delusion or fantasizing, but a "conscious" decision that we make that nothing, but nothing, should disturb our peace of mind.
Ever since the then President of the American Psychological Association chose positive psychology as the theme of his term as President in 1998, this body of knowledge has witnessed explosive growth. June 2009, 18th to 21st, will see the first "World Congress" on Positive Psychology being organized in Philadelphia, Pennsylvania. Here is where you can register for the event, and learn for yourself how you can keep your waking - as well as dreaming - hours bright and cheerful, despite the negativity of the situations you are in: http://ippanetwork.org/wcpp/world-congress.html.
[Thoughts have a way of tiptoeing into our mind when least expected. Every so often, the mind wanders to the past, analyzing incidents and events that appeared to be very insignificant and trivial at that point, but later turned out to have life-changing impact. It is but natural to be wistful. How we wish that we had acted or reacted differently from what we did! Usually, the line of thinking begins with two innocuous words, but which this article says are the two most dangerous words that can drag our mind back into the valley of emptiness and loss: "Two Most Dangerous Words To Beware".]
Blessed are those whose lives have been populated by positive people right from birth and childhood. For such people grow to be optimistic, are always hopeful, are always able to capitalize on opportunities that come their way, are fully resilient to not let defeat and failure ruin their poise or composure, are always willing to give happiness another chance to enter their life in times when it might have temporarily left them. These are the ones I would count amongst the truly blessed - not the ones who have cash and jewelry straining to burst from their bank lockers or who have multitudes of friends and relatives to mourn their passing away.
Otherwise, chances are that there is at least somebody in our life who is a nay-sayer. A diehard cynic. A person who, when others are looking at working towards success, will thump their chest, wag their fingers, and emphatically tell you why success is not possible. These are the people who will jump up and down and indulge in all sorts of theatrics and histrionics to make themselves heard, and at the very least plant the seed of doubt in our heart and mind. You get the picture? Does anybody come to your mind in your life who fits this picture? This is the one.
Not that such people are always wrong and we are always right. Not that anybody who holds a view or opinion contrary to ours must be stayed away from. Heavens, no. But what makes such people stand apart from the wise and the logical and the rationalists, is their tendency to play the role of nay-sayer consistently. These are the people who always see doom and gloom all around them. These are the people who always have the most acerbic comments up their sleeve, and whose words always seem to drip with the acid of cynicism and the corrosive of bitterness. Who are not able to hide their glee when they see us faltering in our path, who will rub their hands vigorously, grin from ear to ear, saliva drooling from the mouth, eyes wide open, and the expression plainly says - "See, I told you so, I told you so!" Now do you get the picture? Does anybody now come to your mind who fits the picture? This is the one.
Delve deep into their psyche and it is not difficult or time-consuming to discover the source of their cynicism and bitterness. Unless it is a gene-thing, that is. You will usually find that their life-story is strewn with a string of failures or heartbreaks, or that there was one big failure with a capital 'B' and where they had to face a lot of flak and which punctured their self-confidence and which they never recovered from, or that they somehow positioned themselves on a plane of low self-esteem and have been operating from there ever since.
If there is somebody in your life who keeps pulling you down while you are struggling on your way up, or who keeps putting obstacles in your path while you are striving hard to attain a success that you always dream about when you are asleep --- steer away from them!
Now this is the hardest part. We have, up until now, enjoyed visualizing such people in our lives. There is "somebody else", some "other person" who is being cynical and who is being bitter. Let's stand before the mirror now, shall we, and ask ourselves this: The person staring back at you in the mirror: is that the one we have been talking about up until now, by any chance? Do you recognize this person who is looking at you from the mirror, and who fits the picture we have been so graphically painting in the past few paragraphs?
Gee. Did it hurt? Sorry. In case it did hurt, in case you did recognize that it is you who has been cynical and bitter all along, go easy on yourself. Doesn't help, this self-flagellation. But let's now try to change our mindset and our outlook and perspective and shift from negativity to positivity. Let's be optimistic and hopeful and positive about our destiny and our life, for a change.
Good 'tis to have a wee bit dose of cynicism and bitterness in one's life. Some amount of poison never killed anyone. Prevents one from trying to plant one's feet firmly in the air and keeps one rooted to the ground. But beyond that wee bit dose, let's banish the rest of it.
As the WHO observes today (10 October) as World Mental Health Day, never before was the need so acutely felt for mechanisms that can be taken recourse to, to keep in good health the minds of the individual and the community.
Whether it is Los Angeles or Ludhiana, Boston or Bangalore, people from all walks of life are facing the flames of the economic recession that it is now officially confirmed we are going through. And world over, stress and anxiety levels are rising. If there were a stress -meter installed somewhere, it would show readings at a high perhaps never before experienced in this past decade!
The problem is, stress and anxiety are just the first step that otherwise perfectly okay individuals take towards descent to a full-blown mental health condition, and very surprisingly, we don't seem to realize this simple fact. The subsequent steps can be any of the myriad pathways that can lead to any of the manifestations of the condition.
Stress levels don't need any invitation to rise. We don't become stressed only when something happens to us personally. It is contagious, so when we read about a family-head shooting everybody in his household before turning the gun to his own temple, or when we read about some 90-year-old grandma shooting herself in the shoulder because the police came to serve her eviction notice on grounds of foreclosure --- we cannot help empathizing with the victims somewhere deep inside, and that is when stress walks in the front door and holding our hand in its hand, takes us gently towards the descent. The turbid thoughts begin to have a direct impact on our blood pressure, and from there on, manifests at the somatic, the body level. That vague feeling of fatigue? That irritability that doesn't seem to go away? The feeling of being on the edge? The loss in sleep? We gradually begin to be enveloped in the cocoon of some disorder that is ultimately our own creation. Happily, we can tear away this cocoon very easily, and all it takes is a gentle sweep.
In such times of doom and gloom, actually in especially such times, it is of utmost importance that we be aware and alert of the nature and quality of thoughts going through our mind. For our own sake, and for the sake of the people who depend on us, we have to keep our mind firmly rooted in the positive. Instead of dwelling on the worrisome and the hardship and the dreadful, let's dwell on the delightful reassurance that this is a passing phase that every generation has to go through at some time or the other and that we are no exception; let's focus cheerfully on ways to overcome the hardship -- when one door closes, others open, you just have to persevere and keep looking; let's have optimistic faith that there is a higher force that we never have and never will fathom, and which is guiding us through thick and thin.
This is not escapism. Not some wishy-washy namby-pamby mawkish sermon either. We are taking lessons in the science of happiness for our own benefit. For while there are certain things - lots of things actually - in this world that are beyond are our control, how we respond to them definitely is. Within our control, that is.
* 'The Great Day Of His Wrath' - John Martin, wiki.
It Is A Heavy Price To Pay
It used to be not an uncommon sight in the office next door to mine. Employees would stop breathing, at the sight of the signs that clearly foretold that the volcano was about to erupt. And the signs never let anyone down; when the volcano erupted, the lava submerged the entire office. After it subsided, it would be my turn to wait. For the much-relieved-after-the-episode boss would walk into my office for a bite of sandwich washed with a cup of coffee. The eruption would create a void in the stomach which had to be filled urgently, you see.
Anger, and uncontrolled anger at that, has gone down in history as the one of the most damaging of all emotions. It is the 'dispositional' form of anger that one is talking about here, the one that has got nothing to do with self-preservation or reacting to perceived-injustice, but has everything to do with churlishness and instinctive-irritability.
The boss who is not mature enough to handle their anger and explodes when an employee does some mistake - grave or trivial - perhaps does more harm to the company than the mistake itself. For, while the boss may even forget the episode after the bout of anger has subsided - as would be the case with my next-door neighbor -, the episode creates a ball of negative emotions that does not dissipate into thin air. Swallowed by the employee, the ball triggers a counter-reaction in their mind. And they usually do not, cannot exercise the same freedom and privilege to explode back. This implies that the counter-reaction does not find an appropriate outlet for self-expression.
But find an outlet it has to. So the anger is taken out on the kids or the spouse at home - well, wherever there is a victim that is usually in subjugated mode in their relationship. Alternatively, the person slides into a passive-aggressive behavior that stems partly from self-hatred at one's powerlessness to break free from such oppressive condition - alternative jobs are not like fruit that somebody can go pluck from an overladen tree in somebody's orchard -, and partly from a slyness that wants to get even with the perpetrator, someday, somehow.
In the case of my neighboring office, I saw the anger being vented in both these ways. One employee in that office a colleague of mine personally knew would regularly bash his kids in the evening, without justification, whenever he became the butt of anger during the day time in the office. In fact, it became standard practice for this colleague to ring up the employee's wife and forewarn her, so that the wife could hide the kids out of sight well in time.
In another case, a once-top-performing employee of that office began making mistakes that would have been considered unthinkable coming from her. Eventually a time came when she quit, without notice. She was indispensable to the company's operations, so goes without saying that her absence degraded the outfit's business significantly. Later, everyone could pinpoint the exact occasion when the slide started: a sensitive soul, she was insulted in front of her peers and juniors by an insensitive boss who at the very least should have taken lessons in both anger and personnel management, before launching the business.
With time, I relocated my office premises, and after moving out of the city, I gradually got out of touch with my friend, the boss. Yesterday night, an ex-employee who was with me in that same office premises rang up to inform that the boss had died. Cardiac arrest. He was in one of his "volcano-eruption" sessions when it happened. One of his arteries must have most likely busted. The same set of employees who he was spewing the lava on, bundled him into an ambulance and took him to the hospital, in the hope that he recovered so that he could continue with the spewing. Uh, resume from where he had left. But that was not to happen. He was declared dead on arrival.
Otherwise a warm and generous human being and a good friend, one who would often go out of his way to help people in times of need, this man's inability to take control over his temper overshadowed all his good traits. To the extent that, in his lifetime, he inadvertently made more enemies than he consciously made friends.
Anger. You pay a heavy price when you come under its control.
If you are either on the threshold of forty or, like me, already crossed and left behind that magic milestone of age, then you will relate to what I am saying here. Celebrate, for this is true liberation time, folks!
You and I both know how it was when life began. Till a certain age, we were so dependent on the others to take care of our basic needs. And then we were sent to school or work and made to study subjects or perform tasks without consulting us or without asking us about our interests. (As if we knew then what was good for us! :-) But that apart...)
And then the hormones began surging, and we were motivated to do things that we now chuckle about or feel our ears go red about. Love may or may not have happened. Marriage may or may not have happened. Divorce may or may not have happened. Kids may or may not have happened. Career in a chosen domain may or may not have zoomed to the skies. Material comforts may or not have been accumulated.
Having expended all our energies, not to mention our hormones, in career and relationships and material-comfort-accumulation, here we are. On the verge of or crossed forty. And we assess our present station in life. Are we happy wherever we are? Are we happy in whatever we are doing?
If we discover that, yes, indeed we are happy, yes, indeed our life has turned out the way we wanted it to be or the way the world around us wanted it to be, then let us pat ourselves in the back and move on. And if we discover that no, we are stuck, we are tied down, that things could have been different, that we deserve to lead a life better than what it is at the present moment... then it is time to redefine our "mission for this life".
It is quite likely that the earlier support systems have been withdrawn, so this time around there will not be anybody to lead us by the forefinger to some destination that may not be to our liking. It is quite likely that circumstances do not appear quite-so-overwhelming, because we have either become used to them by now, or because we have figured some way to overcome them.
There used to be time when people would babble about somebody who one fine morning quit their steady, secure, nine-to-five desk-job and began doing something radically different: like joining a local music band, for example. Or someone suddenly left a thriving profession as medical practitioner to become a real estate broker. Listening to such tales, I used to often wonder just what it was that happened to these persons in the night before, when they went to bed. Did the Devil get hold of them?
Now I know. These persons must have rediscovered themselves. They must have found their true calling in life. They must have realized that whatever they were doing; was not enough.
If you have touched or come ahead past the age of forty, and if you haven't already assessed what you really need and want from life, my suggestion is to set aside some time this coming weekend... and conduct this exercise. The Devil will not get you; but you will certainly emerge rejuvenated.
[Reaching middle age gives you that feeling of standing at crossroads. Here is one more thought-provoking article that dwells on this idea further: "At The Crossroads - Which Route Do You Take?".]
The phrase "midlife crisis" carries the baggage of negative connotation.
The "midlife" alludes to being poignantly poised at some center point of life. You look back to see the bubbliness of childhood, the frothiness of love and the heat of sex, the effervescence of marriage and or divorce and or children and or remarriage, the trepidation of moving through swing doors hopping from one job to another, the excitement of climbing up or down the career ladder, the thrill of having paid off the mortgage on the house or going deeper in debt... the works.
And then you look ahead to see a vast terrain of the unknown.
The "crisis" alludes to a realization that things are not the same anymore. Something is changing. The mental gears are shifting to a different level of rhythm. The body's hormones have begun secreting different juices, or stopping to secret them altogether. The stamina and the gung-ho spirit now appear to wear down, and the hither to fore wild cry has a tired edge to it. The tendency to "take it easy". What's the hurry? We'll do it tomorrow. Care for a fag?
It is when the realization hits you that your outlook towards the world is a changing, that a shift begins to happen: from "your packaging to your essence", as author Maggie Crane puts it so beautifully. Whether you were a macho hunk or a doll in your first half of life, you may have spent it focusing on the outward packaging. But then midlife is the time when you begin focusing on your essence, no not the smells, but your core being.
Try as much to escape, but reality catches up sooner or later. It is not the "looking" attractive that matters anymore, it is the "feeling" attractive that makes all the difference. Think Viagra - or its feminine version which is said to be on the way - will help? Don't delude yourself, folks; while the drug does things to your nerves and blood vessels temporarily, it doesn't help overcome the feeling of emptiness, and it gives you all those side-effects besides. Read up your PubMed!
The moment we decide that we are good and attractive the way we physically are, the moment we feel good and attractive to ourselves, is the moment we become good and attractive to the whole wide world. The next time we see ourselves in the mirror, instead of self-pitying the change in the hair color or the wrinkle or the crow's feet or the two curvy brackets enclosing the mouth, if we accept ourselves gracefully the way we have become, and begin to feel good about ourselves the way we are... is the time when true beauty emerges.
It is not the packaging... as Maggie says ... it is the essence that counts.
[For another thought-provoking article on the subject of inner beauty, click on "Mirror, Mirror, On The Wall".]
It was a pleasure to be called by the young director to see the rushes of the new movie project. The auditorium was full of these twenty-something kids, all of them bubbling with excitement and thrill at the prospect of seeing their own performances on the big screen. Some of them already established; others on the way to make their own mark under the limelight. There were a few others whose role in the event was to critique what was being shown to them. I felt rather out of place amidst such a young crowd, but gradually they soaked me into the group, and I surprised myself by interacting with the same gusto and fervor as they were. The energy of youth is indeed contagious!
As script writer for the project, they had wanted me to generate alternate endings to the story. This seems to be the fad these days: you have the main storyboard, and then you work creatively on how the story could alternatively pan out. What if the story ends this way, and not that? What if the two do not unite in the end, so it is a sad ending? What if the ending is kept deliberately blurred, so as to keep the viewer in suspense even while they walk out of the hall? How will the audience react to this particular ending?
After receiving scripts for three alternative endings from me, the Director shot all of them, and there we were, finally looking at the four sets of what was essentially the same movie, critiquing and taking a call on which one will finally be released. (I am told it will be ready by May/June. 2008, that is.)
While returning home, I couldn't help reflecting on what had been achieved. It was I who wrote all the four alternative scripts of the story. It was I who decided how the story would end - okay, it was a group effort. Finally it was I who gave it to the Director who went ahead and manifested the story into reality. Can't I do the same thing for my life? Why can't I be the script writer of my own life-story?
There was a point in time, up until which, my life was scripted by seniors who took decisions on my behalf, deploying their supreme wisdom about what was and what was not best for me. Later these seniors faded away from the scene. From that point on, although I did take over, parental/senior supervision and monitoring and control over my actions still continued with the same finger-wagging intensity; this happened through the "inner voice", or call it "conscience", that would "guide" me on what was "appropriate" and what was not.
Then one fine day it dawned that, oh my god, I was still on auto-pilot. "Do this. Not that. This. This is correct. This is not." Now why was this so-called "conscience", the "inner voice" telling me something that I did not like at all? Why was this dichotomy there in the first place? Why was there a difference between what I was doing and what I really, really wanted to do? Unless I took the controls in my own hands, I realized, I will not be able to fulfill the core needs that I had been seeded with and yearned for.
So I began searching for all the shackles which bound me, inhibited me and prevented me from fulfilling my _needs_, and which were really based on somebody else's values and beliefs on how life must be lived. And began shearing them away, one by one, these shackles. That was the time when I well and truly became the script writer of my own life.
Now that I am without bounds and on my own, what alternate realities can I begin to script for myself? Ah. So many umpteen possibilities open up. All that I have to do is to pick and choose the one that matches my core yearnings perfectly.
I put down in a notepad file how I want my life to be lived from here on, keeping in mind the full and complete knowledge of my present configuration. Now all I need to do is to invest a lot of emotional energy in my script. Freud calls it cathexis. While the learned man inevitably develops this very potent idea along his favorite route of libido and repressed erotica, I choose to give it a, uh, happy spin, if you please. I simply pour in a lot of mental and emotional energy into my particular alternate reality that I wish to have manifested in my life. And with a prayer on the lips and faith in the heart, I hand over the script to the Greatest Director Of Them All.
And what does the GDOTA do? In His infinite wisdom, He simply evaluates whether my script is in harmony with the need that He had seeded in me from my first incarnation onward, and having satisfied Himself, proceeds to shoot the film. Hey presto! I begin to live my new alternate reality!
What if my alternate reality requires the contribution of some other individual - or group of individuals - who I have no control over? Oh it is simple. This individual also has some script of their own - if they are not creating it so systematically and consciously; then the sum-total of their deep desires and needs becomes their default alternate script. The GDOTA simply matches, and if the matching is satisfactory, hey presto again!
Tell me now; wouldn't you want to be a script writer yourself? It is simple, you see, first you will have to open a notepad file...
Sorrow can hit us unexpectedly. The pronouncement of the doctor that an incurable disease has been detected in either our body or that of our near or dear ones devastates us. Life becomes divided into two: one that was lived before the moment of pronunciation, and the other afterwards. The sudden passing away of somebody - either due to an accident or due to some natural cause - can drown us in oceans of sorrow. We always remember the date when we experienced the reversal in our fortunes: the day we received the pink slip, the day our factory closed down, the day the mortgaged house was taken away from us, the day our spouse or best friend walked out - they are forever etched in our mind, for us to remember again and again.
The mind is a queer "thing". It latches on to negativities very quickly. Almost as if it has an affinity to negativities. To veer it away from any sorrows facing us, and to persuade it to latch on to something positive, is a Herculean task indeed.
But this is a task that we have got to do. We have to realize and understand that the Universe is a benign place. For the universe, happiness and sorrow are indistinguishable. It simply does not understand the difference! As far as the Universe is concerned, the sight of hundreds of young people enjoying the sunshine on the beach has the same degree of value and importance as the aftermath of a hurricane hitting the beach. The Universe continues on its own course, idyllically indifferent.
The Universe is not being callous. That is the way it is structured. It is how one takes the ways of the Universe which makes the difference. That is why, the task of latching on to something positive in the immediate instant when one is face-to-face with sorrow, is important. This detachment from the sorrow does not in any way undermine our pain and love. But the detachment is like a protective shield that envelopes us from all negativities, and allows us to seek more positive thoughts. Axiomatic in this thought is the belief that life is much too precious to be withered away wallowing in negativities and unhappiness.
Sorrows help our mind to seek the meaning of our life. In their own brusque manner, they tear us away from one aspect that we were smitten with, and force us to look at alternative aspects to be smitten with. And we have got to accept joyfully, this tearing-away business.
For, the Universe is a benign place.
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Come the first of January, and we all follow the ritual of making New Year resolutions. It is a pattern that we learn from our childhood, after observing the seniors around us doing it.
But the next step in the pattern is very interesting. We break our own self-made resolutions! We do it all so seriously. The resolve to run for X miles or exercise for Y hours. The resolve to stop from going to the fridge every now and then, and stick to fixed eating schedule. The determination to spend time with the family and spouse for at least one hour everyday. The commitment to give up smoking / boozing / whatever- that we indulge in, in our attempt to destroy our body.
I have been through it, and been pretty much amused with the game I play with myself every January, for so many past Januaries. But there was a moment of epiphany about two-three years ago, when I decided to make a resolution that is the mother of all resolutions. To Be Happy. And To Remain Happy, Come What May. To not let any circumstance, any circumstance, have the satisfaction of overpowering my decision to remain happy.
So, if I am being led to the gallows, hands fastened at the back, the head covered with a black cloth; I would still be happy. I know that I am not letting the prospect of looming death get to me in any way.
If I discover that my spouse is cheating on me, I will not let this person or the third-party destroy my happiness, for it is not theirs to destroy. I will handle the situation as best as I can, with the full knowledge that my state of mind will give me the best solution to the situation I am facing.
And, with this state of mind that is always happy, I know that I will want to improve my happiness further by doing things that I have always meant to do, but have never succeeded. Running for X miles or exercising for Y minutes, for instance. Being very cautious of my diet and my weight, as another example. Spending quality time with my family as frequently as possible. And giving up smoking / boozing / whatever - for I know that these things come in the way of my happiness.
Take it up as a challenge, folks, this year. Decide to remain happy, come what may!
For Ben, the world is his oyster. When he breasts the finishing mark in the 100 meter sprint in the 1987 World Championships in Athletics held in Rome, the entire world rises as one to applaud. His 9.83 seconds is a new world record. People fall over each other to felicitate the new celebrity, and shower him with trophies, awards and felicitations. He is made the "Member of the Order of Canada".
September 24, 1988 is a historic moment for Ben. Under the warm Seoul sun, this Ontarian sets the Jamsil Stadium track on fire with his "benfastic" 9.79 seconds performance.
Three days later, his story hit its peripety. Ben is stripped of all honors. The reason: he was discovered to be taking shortcuts to success. "Why Ben? Why? Why did you do it?" I wonder if the scrapbook in Ben's library contains this newspaper headline also, along with all the other headline-cuttings of all the honors that had come his way.
Cut to December 13, 2007. In a 409-page report released by George Mitchell, a finger points to 88 Major League Baseball players, accusing them of using steroids or drugs to artificially boost their body's capability and hit the ball harder, run quicker from one base to the other, or pitch it faster than normally possible.
Man just doesn't learn from history, does he? Shortcuts to success ultimately end in humiliation and ignominy, the exact opposite of the adulation and honor that was being sought. Was it not possible for these gentlemen to give some extra workouts at their training sessions and imbibe some additional discipline to build stamina and take the highway route to whatever success they aspired to?
Easier said than done, this exercise. Of remaining calm and peaceful when the rest of the world around you is in chaos. And also, enjoying one's calm and peace.
But it is quite possible to achieve, and quite within our capabilities. I wouldn't suggest that you go to some mountaintop and meditate. You can start doing it right here and now. While you are reading this. And all it takes is a shift in your outlook.
One faculty that is required to be summoned is that of reflection. Reflect on the interactions that you had with external world. The people who walked into and out of your communication zone, from the morning milkman to the night guard on duty to the partner you said goodbye to before turning over the side and switching off for the night. Go through all interactions, and with a detached mind, observe the state of emotions you went through during each exchange.
You might discover a pattern in the quality of your thoughts and emotions. While some interactions would obviously leave you indifferent, there are others where your reactions will be a result of some very grassroots-level emotion: anger, disdain, contempt, fear, jealousy, irritation, nervousness... we can run through the entire list. And, as you transit from one interaction with another, your mind automatically switches to the emotion that you have always stereotypically attached to the next encounter. Just recall the boo-boodee-boo of your heart as you were walking towards the cabin of your arrogant boss! Or the anger / disdain / hatred / nervousness you feel when you see your irascible spouse walk in through the front door. Or any such interaction where there is conflict or turmoil. Where any of the negative emotions run riot.
After this process of reflection, comes the decision to now become non-judgmental, from this moment on. No, I am not asking to turn the other cheek when somebody slaps you. What I am suggesting is to refrain from sitting in judgment on the behavior and action of others. And replace this sense of judgment with a sense of stepping back, calming yourself, detaching from the situation and the person's behavior, and then stepping forward to reconnect. So you are not retaliating, not going for a tit-for-tat, not defending yourself or your existence, but reaching out with more maturity. And never mind how the other person reacts to this sudden change in your temperament.
Keep doing it. There will be instances when the gale of the negative emotion will be so empowering that only after it has passed will you realize that you lost a golden chance to strengthen your sense of calm and harmony. But that's okay. Because such chances will keep coming at you, and a time will come when you will begin marveling at the ease with which you retain your balance and sense of peace – come what may.
People around cannot fail to notice this change in you! They will begin to appreciate the fact that you are calm when they and everybody else around are not. And good things begin to happen. Like you find the LoA beginning to manifest in your day to day life.
Go on. Take this up as a challenge. A game that you play with yourself, using the others around you as accessories. And see how far you succeed at it. Isn't it interesting!
It is an apparently never-ending struggle. To reach from point A to point B. To move from one plane of existence, with its specific set of living conditions, to another plane of existence. I have often wondered - what is wrong with point A? And what is wrong with my present plane of existence? Why do I want to go to point B at all? Why do I want to exert my energy to move to another plane of existence at all?
Unhappiness with where I am is one reason. A perpetual state of discontent that tells me that I have the potential to achieve more, much, much more in life. A bank balance that is healthier than any Tom, Dick or Harry one gets to read in those pink newspapers. A swank house that has all the amenities better than any in the neighborhood. Respect in the community. Loving relationships and good friends who will die for you, as you would die for them. Good health that is everybody's envy. You know, the "Kwan" that Rod Tidwell refers to time and again in the "Jerry Maguire" movie...
I know where point B is. I can see it, right here, standing on point A. I can also see the distance and the path to reach B. In fact, there are so many paths to go there, thanks to all these self-dev experts who set up blogs on the internet and write so many good books, with their happy and cheerful mugshots on the front cover. It makes it all the more confusing - this multitude of paths.
What then, prevents me from taking the first step? And having taken the first step, to go on continuing to walk towards B?
I find my own ghosts that come in the way of my taking the first step. I share a love-hate relationship with them. I don't like my own creations, these ghosts, yet I do not let them go.
These ghosts set up conditions such that I rather seem to enjoy wallowing in my discomfiture. There is a yearning to come out of the slush I am in. But these ghosts drag me back.
Every night, while going to bed, I vow - "Tomorrow morning, I will begin my walk towards point B." Yet, when tomorrow comes, I conveniently push the implementation to the next day. Ah, I love my procrastinations!
I wish I had a "Desire-fulfillment facilitator", like the one Wakko encountered in the "Wakko's Wish" animation.
Or perhaps I had the lamp that Aladdin had. Simply rub it, the Djinn appears. You tell him your wish. And that's it. You are at point B. The entire effort, the strain, the travail - is all eliminated.
Which brings me back to the main question. What prevents us from improving ourselves?
This was an idea waiting to happen. A poll to vote the most positive person in the world.
After the revival of interest in Dr. Emile Coue's positive self-affirmations in the past decade or two, and especially after all the hoopla created by documentaries such as "The Secret", this poll was the next inevitable 'thing' to be looked out for.
And of course, we now have new vocabulary to go with all the positive affirmations. So there is something called "ipopin" - which stands for "one minute affirmation". This also happens to be the name of the website which is sponsoring the "Positive Thinking Day" on 13th September. Hop onto their website and nominate the person who according to you qualifies to be the most positive person in the world.
So if you know anybody who is up to it, go ahead and make their day!
EVERY DAY, IN EVERY WAY, I AM GETTING BETTER AND BETTER
I have often wondered why our thoughts, if left to their own devices, drifting without conscious control or steering, tend to be self-destructive. In Freud's words, between the life-impulse - Eros - and the death-impulse - Thanatos -, we tend to naturally gravitate towards the latter. It needs the perceptive mind of an Emile Coue to extend the work of people such as Liebault and Abbe Faria and introduce to the general public, the power of the conscious mind in steering the thoughts back to the Eros and towards self-development.
Dr. Emile Coue. The man who introduced the concept of self-application of auto-suggestion. The man who told us that almost all our ailments stem from a base of distorted or mistaken thinking, and that if the distortions and mistakes are rectified, the ailments would automatically vanish. The man who told us that imagination is more powerful than will-power, and when one develops the capacity to imagine, and imagine continuously and consistently, willpower automatically follows. And when the willpower and the imagination and the thoughts are in perfect alignment with each other, miracles happen.
Dr. Emile Coue. The man who gave us the mantra: "Everyday, in every way, I am getting better and better." (Tous les jours a tous points de vue je vais de mieux en mieux).
It is his sesquicentennial birth anniversary today - February 26th. This blog salutes the man. An entire self-development industry bases its principles on the teachings of Dr. Emile Coue.
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