Balancing Work And Family

Don't Let Work Tensions Spill Over Into Home, And Vice-versa
Years ago, a story used to be recounted on the internet about how a businessman, very aggressive and tension-prone at work, would, while returning back home, indulge in a small ritual. I don't remember the exact details, but he would remove his footwear nearby, bow before a small tree in front of his house or hang his tool on one of its branches, murmur some prayer of gratitude, and only then step into the house. This small act would transform him from a teeth-gnashing, foul-mouthing, fist-waving fearsome bread-earner to a very genteel and loving husband and a doting father. The implicit moral of the story that must have been sought to be propagated is that people must learn to demarcate workplace from home.


Though this small story might be a part of folklore, work-family research has taken such anecdotes seriously. The person who stands before the mirror everyday to get dressed, then commutes to a workplace to spend the next few, contracted hours performing productive labor, and then commutes back home to take rest and sleep just so that they can get up the next morning and repeat the same cycle --- may outwardly appear to be quite their normal self to the newspaper hawker and the florist they pass by en route. But peep inside, and quite possibly a can of angst-riddled soul reveals itself. Conforming to organizational expectations takes its toll on both physical and emotional health. Peer competition, coupled with demands of overload and working against deadlines - imposed artificially by self-serving supervisors or set ruthlessly by bang-for-the-buck-seeking clients - further add fuel to the proverbial fire. The outcome? The person commuting back home is not the normal self that the newspaper hawker and the florist think they see, but a very exhausted and battered and fatigued being who longs for the comfort of the familiar couch or sofa back home.


The problem arises when we do not, like the businessman in the anecdote, perform that small ritual before stepping into the house. The consequence of not doing so is that work-related problems continue to cogitate the mind, and have an impact on relationships at home. The brooding, irascible father or mother who declines to participate in the easy laughter and bonhomie at the dinner table does not make for the best of parental role-models. The irritated and exhausted spouse who turns over to go to sleep the moment their body flops on the comfy duvet -- potentially adds to the catalog of marital discord cases at the local court.


Somewhere along the way of building the home - and by home I don't mean the brick-and-mortar -, we forget that just like the workplace is an institution that places its set of demands and expectations, the home or family too is an institution that has its own set of demands and expectations. And while we jump to our feet to respond to even the hint of a reprimand from the workplace, we take for granted the cajoling and gentle persuasion from home. While to the colleagues and the supervisors at the workplace we are just another dispensable entity, just another face in the crowd of employees; to the children and the spouse we may not be as dispensable. Indeed, the latter depend on us not only for the bread and butter that we bring home, but also for the emotional nurturing that we are in a position to provide.


In this context, a study conducted by psychologists on 49 employees working at different hierarchy points in a set of organizations in Madrid threw up some interesting conclusions. (The study appears here.) Focusing on the measures an organization can adopt to improve employee productivity, the study stresses the importance of including short breaks during the working hours. For the worker who positions themselves before the assembly line right from the moment they swipe their id-card in the clocking machine till the time comes for lunch, the short breaks give them time to dissipate the building fatigue. The study also emphasizes the role played by counselors and empathy-enabled supervisors, in whom the average employee can confide in and articulate their concerns and tensions. The simple act of articulation of thoughts and expressing one's emotions to someone one is comfortable with, can break the downward negative spiral.


But these are suggestions about what the organization can do to make us happy and keep us happy. As individual employees and human beings, while waiting for the HR department people to read articles such as this and act upon the recommendations, we can follow the example of the businessman in the anecdote and add his daily ritual to our routine. Do you notice the small plant or tree that you walk past every day before stepping into the house? All that you need to do is to pause before the plant, remove your footwear...


Your family will be grateful to the plant. Your organization will find you an indispensable asset.


[Do you remember the first days when you launched your career? The I-will-take-on-this-world spring in your steps? The can-do-will-do attitude? And do you now compare it wistfully with your feelings now about the same job? Burnouts happen - they are a natural outcome of priorities gone topsy-turvy and approaches sliding off the right track. Read about it in this article: "Rekindle The Passion In Your Job".]

How You Connect With Others - Defines Your Success

Networking With Fellow Human Beings Has Its Benefits
Great friendships have been forged at the water cooler; enduring romances have blossomed at the coffee machine. Whatever the attitude of bosses towards people who hang out at these two great social intersection points in the workplace, they have a great impact on one's sense of wellbeing. Which in turn has a direct impact on work-performance. Bosses do need to think twice before the muscles of their face begin to perk up for the frown at the sight of Joe here or Alice there chit-chatting.


The age-old adage - "It is not what you know, it is who you know that matters" is indeed true. People with half-baked or no-knowledge have deployed this adage to take the elevator to the top floor of success; while those who are short of this basic insight find themselves huffing and puffing and panting up the staircase. And this has got nothing to do with knowing the person who operates the elevator or holds the elevator keys! Though, interestingly symbolically, it does.


The importance of connecting with others in an organizational or social setting cannot but be emphasized. Besides the obvious warmth of bonding with like-minded fellow human beings, we all know that connecting with others opens doors and opportunities for us for advancements in all spheres of life. There is indeed a positive correlation between the social networks you create and your job performance, your career success, and your overall outlook on life.


Does this mean that you have to be an extrovert to build your connections? Surprisingly, statistics says no. A survey conducted by researchers from the Institute of Work Psychology, University of Sheffield (here is the paper: http://dx.doi.org/10.1016/j.socnet.2008.04.003) showed that dense and good-quality social networks are created also by people who do not have any dramatic extraversion traits. Although, to the credit of extroverts, possessing an outgoing personality does make a difference. There is a greater energy and enthusiasm in their interactions, they generate excitement about whatever they are doing, and therefore do generally manage to pull networks towards them.


More than extraversion, you require some rugged emotional maturity to build and sustain connections. If you can take in your stride the possibility of your initiative to strike a conversation being rejected by the other party, plus if you are malleable enough to make social adjustments as the circumstances dictate, then at the end of the day you will have some very sound connections with people around you.


Ambition plays a big role, of course. If you are proactive, your inner drives will propel you to develop social networks that increase your influence. Gradually, you maneuver yourself in a position such that authority begins to flow 'through' you, and your words and actions begin to have an impact on the rest of the hoi-polloi. It becomes okay, then, if your performance is occasionally below the average - your networking savvy covers it up for you, if only for some time.


Are you a maven? Are you considered an expert in your particular area of knowledge? Are you somebody whose advice has value in the eyes of the others? Then blessed you are, for you get to build a social network with very little additional effort - your brain does that for you automatically. Of course, you have to be affable, approachable, and be of warm disposition that radiates outward when people approach you. Without these additional traits, you will be looked upon as grouchy and touchy and people will generally tiptoe past you for fear of the fuse blowing off.


It is natural that an organization with large number of personnel placed in a multi-layered hierarchical structure will have several groups and networks that are often closed - so you will have groups of secretaries and of junior managers, teams of programmers and data entry operators within departments, and these groups in turn form loose networks at the same hierarchy spanning the entire organization. Star networkers, known as "connectors" in social science - are those that have connections across all or most of these networks, and are the true movers and shakers. Because of the time they spend networking (read gossiping); it is sometimes a surprise that they are productive at all in the organization, although I have known people who juggle expectations-of-work from them with their social-connectivity without a crease on the forehead.


An interesting outcome of the survey was that people in management or team leadership roles do not have a propensity to make "friendships" the way it is commonly defined. Yet, they have a great social network which is built on acquaintances, so they are on "hi, hello" and nodding-the-head-as-you-pass-by-in-the-corridor terms with most of the crowd. They make it a point that, at the least, you know them and they know you - there is the element of familiarity. Which is usually enough for them to get their work done.


And managers use social networks to their maximum advantage. If there is any bit of news to be let loose in the organization but without making it formal and official, just whisper it in the ears of certain individuals, and lo and behold! Faster than the speed of light, the entire organization gets to know about it. Depending on its importance, even the canteen contractor and the transporter and all the sundry suppliers and clients will get wind. Are you in line for promotion? Keep your ears to the ground. Somebody, somehow will tell you before the supervisor formally does. That is the importance of having the right connections. Up until now, therefore, if you have always looked down upon the water cooler connections or the coffee machine encounters as waste of time - yes, believe it or not, such people exist! -, it may be time to change your attitudes toward them!

[Talking of our attitude towards relationships, how good are our online relationships? How secure and comfortable do we feel about opening up to unknown strangers? Here is one article that dwells on this thought: "Don't Cry, Shopgirl".]

When The Boss Dictates Your Peace Of Mind

Go Get A New Job? Take It In Your Stride?
Remember the time when you were just out of college? The time when you got the first job? The boo-boodee-boo of the heart, the sparkle in the eyes, the I-will-take-on-the-world spirit, the spring in the walk -- as you stepped into the workplace? And remember how the boss or supervisor or senior shook your hands and welcomed you so warmly into the organization, introduced you to colleagues and showed you your seat? Life looked set to take off. The Boss looked like friend, philosopher, guide, mentor, God... all rolled into one.



If, after so many years at the grind, your opinion about this particular species still remains the same: well, you are one of those rare, fortunate breed that has hit the gold fault, God Bless You, you must have performed some very pious deeds in your previous incarnation. But if you are like most of us out here in the world, chances are that by the time you have spent a few years in as many companies and workplaces, the sheen and the polish would have eroded from the character who decides not only the workload, the nature of work, and the raise one can enjoy, and in most cases also whether one stays or one goes, but also one's peace of mind.



People have spent their entire lifetime studying the Boss tribe. Careers have been built, and lots of money has been made in writing books, availing of research grants, teaching the subject of leadership at management schools, giving presentations to CEOs at lecture circuits... all focusing on this curious specimen called the "boss" or the "leader".



Energy is expended in coming up with profound insights and anecdotes and high-falutin' words and interesting turns of phrases, with the objective of getting quoted around the world in prestigious journals and magazines of the kind that are found on the coffee table in the business-class cabins of executive aircrafts, and which raise higher their popularity quotient, and by implication, their fees. The title of "Management Guru", that too, conferred by peers, is a coveted one in this community. All that is very good, but what do you about the devil sitting in that corner office???



The "what" is answered to some extent by self-help. The self-help books and the self-help advisors exist on both sides of the chasm. Unbeknown to us, just as we are trying to figure out what makes that man or woman tick, he or she too is, or must be, or should be, crouching over some personnel management magazine or best-seller paperback that dwells on how to drive us - the workforce - to achieve results. In about the same way that we go through the numerous articles and books that give ample advice on "how to manage the boss"; the boss too is, or must be, or should be, attending seminars and workshops over the weekends to enhance their skills on people management.



All this rationalization is fine, but the question still remains unanswered: What To Do When The Boss Dictates Your Peace Of Mind? We could always up and walk out the door of course, and to hell with this psychoanalysis of the boss! But then we may have our own motivation to continue with the job: we need it to run the home and the hearth and there is no other option on the horizon for the time being. Or, despite the Boss factor, the job is still convenient because of x, y or zee reasons.



Or we are still waiting for the outcome of the interview we had appeared in, the other day. Or we may have - unbeknown to us - fallen in love with the boss, never mind what happens to the boss every full moon. Oh, you never know, the heart neither understands logic nor reason, and then there are so many twists and turns in everybody's life, aren't there?



Actually, come to think of it, the answer to this question is very simple. Don't Let Them! Don't Let Them Dictate Your Peace Of Mind! Deny them the pleasure of having disturbed your peace of mind. Deny them the pleasure of seeing your face falling or your skin reddening or your body shaking or whatever it is that happens when the boss applies their deathly weapon on you.



My take is that the boss, for whatever period he or she is there in our life, is there to make us aware of our own attitude towards authority figures. Every encounter is a lesson that shines the spotlight on something that we are supposed to learn. And when the lesson has been learnt -- either we understand how to effectively manage this human being, or we realize that there is a limit to our tolerance and we fling the resignation letter in their face and leave, or we learn the dynamics of living and the beauty of adjustment in the particular circumstance -- the purpose of the boss' existence in our life is over. We part ways with this particular boss. And the next boss steps into our life. Or does not.



In the midst of all this, the key is to never let go of the peace of the mind. For it is only when we detach ourselves from the situation, do we actually send out the subtle signal to the other party that sorry, I am not game for this kind of behavior or this quality of interaction. It is entertaining indeed to observe how the boss responds to such a signal that is consistently coming from us! Wouldn't be a surprise if, after a few of these episodes, the boss begins to tiptoe around us as if we were a minefield, while simultaneously carrying on with their very same old merry behavior with the rest of the employees! I am simplifying here; but you get the drift.



Try it. And remember that, if you are at all career-oriented and an organization-person for the long-term, you will be Boss one day yourself! Unless you are already one. Good for you, for if you discover tomorrow that one of your juniors is suddenly behaving oddly differently to your usual barking; you will know where they read the tip from! And you will also know now the why, and what to do about it! Go easy on them, please.