The Fear Of Change

Transiting From One Level Of Life To Another

Sigh. You know there is something seriously wrong with the way you are running your life. You #@^*@# hate it! And you surely for hell want to change things. But how?



It could be relationships that could be draining your happiness. May be you or the partner is now behaving grouchily because they are entering their menopause / andropause. Or somebody is cheating on somebody. Or it is a health problem that is the cause behind the wear and tear of the threads binding you with the others. There is change - from the days of holding hands and looking into each other's eyes.



It could be a new assignment looming large on the horizon at work. Possibly, you are being asked to take on a new job profile different from what you were comfortable with. Or may be you have been given the pink slip, and therefore are required to fend for yourself in the job market. There is change - from the days of receiving in time the pay check.



It could be the diet. You remember the wagging finger of the doctor warning you of watching the calories, or else. And you also remember closing the consulting room's swivel door behind you, fully revved up to take out from the drawer of your desk for one more time, the dieting schedule you had downloaded from the health site you had signed up a year (or was it two?) ago. You also remember the rapid fall in this revving as your car reaches the front gate of the house. There is change involved - from the days of carefree binging.



And in all these cases and more, the frustrating problem is that we all know what will happen to us once we move forward and embrace the change that is being demanded of us. Yet, we continue to wallow in self-pity, self-blame, self-infliction of wounds. We procrastinate because there is the fear of the unknown. The fear of going out of the comfort zone that one is so cozily ensconced in.



Motivating somebody to take this step from self-defeat to celebration has been a big challenge as counselor. I was happy, therefore, when friends at myHelpHub sent me a set of 6 CDs, part of a course conducted by US-based Lee Milteer, human potential speaker, productivity coach and self-dev writer. They sent them to me by mail, though the content can be downloaded too. Here is the link: http://www.short10.com/?c=sdb_life-makeover.



Costs just USD 47. If you have some very tough-as-rock issue in your life that has refused to budge for all these years for want of your reluctance to embrace change, then this is one investment that might be worth considering. And implementing.

Embracing Change

Resurrect Your True Spirits - Let Go Of What Is No Longer Relevant

David had chucked off his regular job to run his own business. The initial years were very exciting: the thrill of going after orders from customers, then getting them executed on the shop floor, delivering the product to the customer, and finally getting his payment. He enjoyed the thrill of learning new tricks of business - talking to the bankers for working capital, persuading a bright worker to not quit, ensuring that new orders kept coming in at a fast enough rate during the month, so that he could pay the suppliers and wages on time, and also leave a nifty little profit for him to take home to his wife Paula and the children.



Somewhere along the line, however, the market changed. The products, that he had become a master in over the years, dropped in demand in the market. Customers' tastes and preferences changed. Initially this change was very subtle, and David came to notice it when the volume of orders began to slink below the usual average. He should really have read the writing on the wall, poor David. He didn't, and kept going after the same type of work. He kept convincing himself that times would change, and the product range he excelled in would pick demand again. He kept looking at the shop floor, and the machines and tools that he had invested so much in. They will hum again, he would think. But that never happened.

One day, all his workers quit. They hadn't been paid wages for two months, you see. Suppliers stopped their shipment. David's bank called for an explanation on the overdue installments against his mortgaged house. David's life was in shambles.



Embrace change. Recognize when change is due.

The loss of a loved one - either due to death, or due to separation (child flies the nest, divorce, best friend relocates, etc, etc) - is an event which signals the end of an era in one's life. Like the crumbling of a structure that has outlived its use. Some people get over the event and move on. There are others who don't. They still wallow in the past. They keep trying to clutch at the straws of the past that is no longer there. It is these people who face the maximum agony and take on the maximum pain.



Elizabeth Kubler-Ross, author of a profoundly insightful book - "On Death And Dying", proposed a model called "Five Stages of Grief", which are the states of mind that people go through when imminent change stares in their face. Here are the stages:
1. Denial - "It can't be happening. No, it is just an illusion. A nightmare. Everything will be alright when I wake up!"
2. Anger - "How dare you do this to me?! Why me?"
3. Bargaining - "Okay, at least continue to be together till the child is ready to go to college."
4. Depression - "Life is useless - there is no joy in this kind of living."
5. Acceptance - "Okay, let's move on - whatever will be, will be"

These stages do not necessarily come in the same order. Perhaps one or more of these stages may be missing. But the phase of "Acceptance" is the one that one finally needs to achieve.

I wish our schools have, besides the usual subjects of Maths and English and History, about fifteen-twenty minutes set aside for abstract thinking: and develop in us the ability to take a step or two back, and look at the entire canvas of our own life. Develop the ability to know who we are, where we are, who we should be and where we should be going the next moment.

Embracing change should be a joyful process: not one that involves such negative thought patterns as denial, anger, juvenile bargaining, or depression. Possessing the ability to continually look at our life in abstract, makes us understand the structures that we have built around ourselves. And be better prepared for the first sign of any one of them (or all of them?) crumbling. Even proactively strive to break all structures that limit our potential from being realized.



Here is one great way to help yourself to overcome all negativities surrounding the change that you may be facing in your particular circumstance. It is a CD, where a voice speaks about self-exploration. It speaks about understanding oneself - and how the impending change will enhance this understanding even further. It is a great buy, especially if - right at this moment -, you find yourself struggling with the thought of having to let go something that you have held so dear to you till now.

Here is the URL: http://www.short10.com/?c=sdb_hypno_change. Costs USD 12.95 for a download, USD 25.95 for a CD.



Go ahead. What is no longer relevant - let it whither away. Let go. And Resurrect Your True Spirits - this Easter Sunday.